If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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