yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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