I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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