Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
