I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
