guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
