So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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