She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
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It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
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Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
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