Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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