I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i think my cat just said my name.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
