so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
