So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
