Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
