Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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