he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
