Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
