is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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