I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
farters have to be the big spoon...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
