Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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