i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
