And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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