I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
