Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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