barbara walters just said penis...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
