He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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