Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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