My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Is Oprah even human
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
