I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
