She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
