so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
