I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You pole danced in your parka.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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