I look better un-naked...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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