My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
