for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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