so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
