seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
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She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
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i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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