Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
