I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
