I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
