If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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