Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
