We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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