Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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