how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
