Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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