we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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