Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
