Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
