woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
