Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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