I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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