The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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