Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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