found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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