I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
