Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
