Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
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Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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