what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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