you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
