Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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