I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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