We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
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had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
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I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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