she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
