YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
