My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
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He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
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Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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